Mothers, Lock up Your Gamers by jimmycanuck
November 15, 2006, 4:26 pm
Filed under: gaming

Erin Plays Xbox360

So there I am – headset on – controller in hand. The countdown begins –


…and I’m live. I’m a Locust this time – a horrific underground creature hellbent on wiping out the human race. I’m on a team with three other guys – all Locusts, all equipped with a host of weapons that could decapitate an enemy soldier with ease,. Hell, we even have rifles with chainsaw bayonets that can slice up a human being like fine deli meat. And then, one of my teammates begins to tell me our strategy.

He couldn’t have been more than ten years old.

Have you parents lost your fucking minds? How in the hell did you think this was an appropriate thing to buy your kid? What do you do, just open your fucking wallet and get the kid to buy you whatever the fuck he wants? Christ, if it’s that easy I’ll take a DeLorean and a shoebox full of used syringes. What the fuck people?!?! Seriously. You should all be fucking ashamed of yourselves.

I’m the last person who thinks the government should step in and regulate the gaming industry. As far as I’m concerned, Hilary Clinton and Joe Lieberman can go fuck in a sock. But if you parents can’t do your goddamned jobs, somebody has to. The ESRB can only go so far. Whether we like it or not, I think it’s time for the console makers to step the fuck in. We need an option to report when it’s perfectly clear that a minor is playing an M-rated game, and Microsoft needs to put it in their TOS that this is a suspendable offense. Is it impossible to prove? Absolutely. But XBox Live isn’t a fucking court of law. You don’t need hard and fast evidence to suspend an account. And they wouldn’t have to take action when only one complaint has been made. But if a ten year old kid is playing Gears of War, and everybody uses the feedback system the way it was intended, there’ll be enough reports on a Live account for Microsoft to step in and do something.

And if they don’t, somebody else will. And if that somebody is in the White House, it’s game fucking over for the entire industry.


2 Comments so far
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I saw the new Bond last night, fucking sweet, sensational. Up here (that being Canada) it’s marked as 13+. I swear to Christ there were thirty or forty eight and ten year olds. There was one scene in particular (spoiler alert) where Bond gets smacked in his sack six or seven times by a torturer with a big heavy thing. There were kids fucking crying in the theatre. I don’t get it. There are rating systems but they’re all completely useless because they’re designed to be useless. Ten years old and looking for GTA San Andreas? “Forty bucks, do you want the receipt? Come again.” They’re useless because they’re all designed with two fallacies: the parent has to be there at the point of purchase, and; the parent has to have a fucking clue. A few years ago this country started to get real serious about smoking. It had always been ‘sort of illegal’ to sell smokes to kids, but the people selling the smokes to kids were other kids behind the counter, so what the fuck. But then the gov’t said, “look, get caught selling smokes to anyone under 18 and you’ll lose your smoke license for a year, twice and you lose it for good.” Or something like that. Combined with a few other things smoking rates in this country are falling like a frigging brick (and this country used to smoke… course now we’ve got a shit load of weed). It’s that kind of Punch In The Face law that has to happen with movies and video games. Not so much with porn though, kids still need that, otherwise it’s the Clintons and Bushes teaching your kids about the birth canal.

Comment by feartheseeds

Sorry… just clued into the fact you’re Canadian, just like me. It’s really early. Seriously, I haven’t been to bed since last week. Like the domain name a lot. yeah. okay. bye.

Comment by feartheseeds

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